May the Best Man Win
by FantasticJackie
Summary: Post DH Warning. You know, said Sirius thoughtfully, Considering the wedding vows you two took, technically you have to get remarried here.


**Author's Notes:** Written for the RT Challenge August Ficathon. This is a part I took out of a different fic because it didn't fit, and I really wanted to make it silly. It's really fast, which is pretty different for me; usually I explore at least a _little_, but I decided for this one to cut to the chase in favor of all-out Afterlife humour. ;) Ending line kinda sucks…

**May the Best Man Win**

On a grassy knoll in the Afterlife, Remus and Tonks were greeted by James, Lily, and Sirius. A gentle, unearthly wind drifted through the long blades of grass, creating a rippling green sea of calm as the five souls chatted and laughed together. The conversation flowed easily and carefree – until Sirius brought up an important issue.

"You know," said Sirius thoughtfully. "Considering the wedding vows you two took, technically you have to get re-married here."

"Technically," Remus retorted, frowning at the sudden change of topic, "We didn't part at death."

"You died at the same instant?" James asked, intrigued.

"Well, we couldn't tell the difference," Tonks laughed.

"Oh, James…" Lily said leaning against him, laughter dancing in her emerald green eyes. "Just like us."

"We were a good minute apart, love. But they…" He trailed off, seeming as if he'd just been ordered to hand over a first place medal.

Sirius was flabbergasted. "W-well…! You don't want to take any chances, do you?"

"I don't see why it makes any difference to you," Remus replied raising a curious eyebrow.

Sirius affected a haughty expression. "Well, I was going to offer to be your best man! – Before _he_ could!" He pointed accusingly at James.

Tonks and Lily snickered while the accused stuttered. "Now wait just a second! Just because you offered first doesn't mean-"

"Remus is a gentleman, and he'd have a hard time choosing between us without help," Sirius reasoned diplomatically. "Obviously, since I offered first, I care more."

"Obviously, you brought up the subject so you could offer!" James countered.

Sirius nodded enthusiastically. "Exactly!" He turned to Remus and Tonks, and placed an emphatic hand over his heart. "That's how much I _care_."

"Care my ar-e! You're just trying to show me up!"

"So what if I am?"

"You are…. just like you were back in Hogwarts!"

"I'm only four years graduated in this body!"

"You died at 35!"

"You got married again, and I wasn't your best man!"

"Oh, for the love of Merlin! You weren't _dead yet!!_"

"_I_ would have waited for you!"

"_You_ couldn't be in a serious relationshi– Oh, h---," James said, realising his careless mistake.

"Every relationship I've been in has been a _Sirius_ relationship!" he replied smugly, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Boys!" Lily called over them. "I think the only way to solve this is to _ask_ the man whose decision it is."

All eyes turned to Remus, who was standing with an unreadable smirk on his features, hand resting at the small of Tonks' back. He looked deliberately between James and Sirius, then to Lily, and then back between his warring mates.

"Well?" Sirius prompted.

"Speak up, man!" James encouraged.

Remus turned his attention to the witch at his side. They locked eyes, shared a silent bit of conversation between them, and then he nodded.

"Well, Dora and I were thinking…" he said looking back to the two wizards. "That the best man should be someone of special importance."

James and Sirius nodded in general agreement, hinging on Remus' every word.

"And the man we're thinking of… Well, he sacrificed a lot. – Particularly for Harry."

Both looked smugly at each other – and then glared.

"I died for him!" James roared.

"So did I!" Sirius roared back.

"I died _first!_"

"That you did," Sirius grinned.

James growled and made a movement to strangle the other man, but a simple touch from Lily held him back, and he settled to glower.

"We were thinking," said Remus slowly, "Of it as more of a hand out."

Confusion, this time, was their reaction.

"To bridge a gap that should, in light of recent revelations, be bridged."

"We were thinking," said Tonks.

"Of Severus," they deadpanned together.

Jaws dropped. They looked to each other and then back to Remus and Tonks in complete shock. And then they simply shrugged.

"I'm not going," Sirius announced turning to leave.

"Me either," said James following.

Both missed the grins and silent laughter of Mr. and Mrs. Lupin.


End file.
